Homecoming Narratives

I cut a syrup-laden piece of the fluffy waffle I had ordered to my brother. I tried to get a good amount of fruit on it as well, and in the process a blueberry went overboard and fell on the floor.  I gave a small sigh of remorse, scooped the piece over to him, and went back to eating my waffle. DJ got up and picked the blueberry, and dropped it onto my napkin. I sheepishly thanked him, embarassed that it hadn’t even crossed my mind to do the same.

The waitress walks by our table and my drink had been empty for quite some time and I tried to flag her down. “Put your hand down Cal!” my friend Kerry yelled at me. I sheepishly lowered my waving arm, not sure what I had done. “You’re not in class, you don’t need to wave your hand to get the waitress to come over!”

Having spent over three years now living on a continent eating mainly in restaurants with dirty floors and inattentive service staff, I come across as a blustering rude philistine in my home country. It’s both embarrassing and fascinating, embarassing because I wasn’t raised to be disrpesectful, fascinating because it gives me even more sympathy for the “uncivilized” manners that mainlanders are accused of exhibiting when visiting Hong Kong.  Not only can I wave my arms to grab a waitress’ attention in Hong Kong, I can shout “waitress!” to get one to come over.

I have lots of Hong Kong-honed instincts now. My feet were glued to the first crosswalk I encountered in America, not sure why that approaching car was slowing down. I instinctively carve space for myself when getting ready to leave the subway cars. And I go inside bathrooms in restaurants and bars and I freak out that there’s space to turn around.  I’m not sure how the experiences of the first 23 years of my life can fade away so completely, but this is clearly an example of out of sight out of mind. For the first time in my life, a life which began with 18 consecutive years in suburban Boston, I feel like a third-culture kid without a country or culture.

I’m not sure how I really got here. You can write your own narrative, but that doesn’t mean it’s accurate. That doesn’t mean there aren’t plot elements that you’ve forgotten, or never noticed, or deliberately choose to ignore. For example, I like to start my story as an 18 year old sports-obsessed unworldly college student who was home in suburban Massachusetts working an ordinary suburban college job teaching tennis.  It so happened a coworker that summer showed up fresh from Ireland, with startlingly few solid plans but lots of great stories.  It also so happened that the Summer Olympics were to take place in Beijing the following summer. Though these two events were completely unrelated, the former inspired me to attend the latter and circumstances were favorable enough for this to become possible.  Once in Beijing, I found myself overtaken by the sheer mass of China in front of me, but otherwise took notes on what was different, asked people how to say this or that in the local language, and started practicing my stories for when I got home. Along the way, I met up with a cousin of mine who had moved to Shanghai from the staes and stayed for many years. He told me to not look down on anything in China as inferior, but just as different and try to understand the nuanced context around everything. I laughed and exclaimed that surely he knew I was an educated bleeding heart liberal who wouldn’t make such prejudiced judgements. But his followup example, of left turn only lanes in the middle of a multi-laned road in China, stood out to me. I had only noticed that these lanes made no sense – why wouldn’t you place them on the left-most lane of the road? But because in China, there was no way to turn left except on a left-turn only traffic signal, and in the middle lane, this turning angle was much better. It was a strange concept to my American wired brain, but perhaps it wasn’t so crazy.

Chance conversations like that might have separated me from the many many other westerners who came that summer, saw some Olympic events, and then never went back. But I came back, two summers later in 2010, and then in 2011 to Hong Kong for these many years. Perhaps that conversation set me on a different trajectory. Or perhaps my father’s presence in Shanghai was a much more major influencer. Or my parents’ collective histories of immigration. Or my own sense of community and self-respect. Or perhaps I would have stayed in America for the rest of my life had it not been for a job opening from a family friend in the summer of 2010. These aren’t the sort of questions that have answers.

Whatever it is, I’ve become a very different person from who I was when I was a newbie Laowai in 2008. I no longer have that same mindset, and I no longer remember what that mindset would think. That pre-Beijing version of me would have a similar conception with most other Americans of Asia as an unknown, mysterious land of disparately equally foreign people. Flash forward to April 2015 and I'm in a backyard patio in Arlington, VA with a group of friends and friends of friends. Everyone is within my peer group - in fact, most of us were college classmates. Everyone else seems to have been friends for many years going through similar life experiences in metropolitan DC and the conversations flow that way built upon layers of mutual understanding and omissions of plot exposition, because it's the third movie in a series and everyone has seen the first two. Eventually the scene focused on me, the guy who had just returned from Hong Kong, and I was asked to comment on the protests taken place there only a few months previously. I was well prepared to give these comments (or so I thought) having written an extensive post on my many thoughts on the protests' origins, effectiveness and what they mean for national identity, economics and race relations. I'd talked about this before a lot - for a month it was all we talked about in Hong Kong. But even my friends elsewhere, in Beijing, Seoul, Singapore, America - they all had questions for me regarding the well-publicized events. And now I found myself talking about it again, but as I talked about the public takeover of streets, the power imbalance, the vestiges of colonialism, cultural identity and sub-nationalism and...I saw eyes glazing over. And I was immediately taken aback, and awkwardly stopped. 

For sure I was probably being very boring and overly academic, but I realized upon reflection that this is what it means to come back to a place you no longer fit into. This is what it means to be a third cultural kid. This is what it feels like to talk about issues that are extremely relevant to your life to people to whom they are completely irrelevant. Many of the peers I was with, despite a worldly education, did not have much of a conception of China or Hong Kong. The Occupy Central news stories in the past year blur into the likes of the Syrian Civil War, and the kidnappings in Nigeria, and the refugee crises in Southeast Asia - no more relatable or lamentable or inspirational.

Anyway, it wasn't just this topic. I found that a Venn Diagram of the conversation topics I had in DC and the ones I have in Hong Kong has a frustratingly slim middle section. I was able to "pass" though, by digging into my memory bank and retrieving sports references and coffeeshop locations. It comes back pretty quickly, and I had a great time in the states with my friends. But it did make me question whether I was ready to return home, whether I was prepared to say goodbye semi-permanently to a big chunk of my life. For I realized it's more than just the location. It's not just about the people, the languages, the food, the currency - it's the desire to not accept the geographical hand that you were dealt and to enhance your personal global story. And it's the experiences that come directly from that, which sound pompous to those who have not been able to have them, and make up the conversations to those who have been able to have them.

Trevor Noah

The Daily Show announced yesterday that Trevor Noah will be succeeding Jon Stewart as the host of the Daily Show. Now I don't cover news in my blog much, if ever, because I only post like once every two months. But I feel compelled to talk about this story. In fact, I'm positively obsessed with this story and I'm not entirely sure why. But here I'll try to explain.

Many people, me including, are totally surprised by this pick and at the risk of sounding too self-centered, it feels like it attracts mainly my demographic: 25-34, educated internationally-minded multicultural-philiacs. In fact, Trevor Noah's act fits in very well in expat circles, where his biracial upbringing, language skills and accent impersonations would receive huge acclaim. As the son of a Swiss German father and a Xhosa mother of Jewish background during Apartheid South Africa, his origin story has the trappings of Third Culture Kid identity issues that many of my friends can relate to, mixed with major policies of oppression that few of us can relate to. I'm not sure of his linguistic roots exactly, but he probably grew up speaking English and Afrikaans in school and isZulu and Sotho in the Soweto township he grew up, only later learning his parents' languages of German and Xhosa. In his standups, I've heard him do great impersonations of Americans, Brits, Africans, Australians and even a Chinese airport announcer in passable fake Mandarin. When people call South Africa the Rainbow Nation, they are hoping to move past the ugly Apartheid past and into the country's untapped potential manifested in Trevor Noah.

Can you tell I like this guy? I also really like Jon Stewart and the Daily Show. How often do two things you like combine and make a third thing you like? The Daily Show has become a singularly American institution and while Trevor has shown an ability to pick up local nuances quickly, he is very much a newbie to our country. The show taps on the liberal pulse of the nation and covers a lot of very American issues. Sure the show had a foreign correspondent who was a temporary fill in for 3 months in John Oliver, but part of John's success there and now as host of Last Week Tonight is that he really understands America. John Oliver's international perspective allows him to comment on sensitive American issues without letting pride or feelings come in, but it is his many years living here that allows him to go on rants about issues like Civil Forfeitures and Municipal Violations. It is these issues that disproportionately affect poor Americans that most middle-upper class foreigners would struggle to understand. For sure Trevor Noah will have to at least take the show to a slightly different direction.

There was a lot of speculation who would take over Stewart as host when he announced earlier this year that he'd be leaving after 17 years at the helm. It very likely would have been Oliver had he not already gone to HBO. The next in seniority, Jason Jones or Samantha Bee, would probably both have been great hosts. This was highlighted in a funny sketch where those two and the correspondents Jessica Williams, Al Madrigal bitterly complain when John Oliver got the guest host gig over them. The sketch's humor papered over a real sadness. Going from correspondent to host is such a dramatic career upgrade and an opportunity that just doesn't come around often. But it's obviously a very important decision for the network and not necessarily one where you reward the hardest worker. I really believe that for a show that spends so much time covering liberal issues and mocking conservative groups for their lack of diversity, they felt a really strong need to bring a non-white male voice to the role. And in this case, perhaps Jason Jones really was the victim of reverse racism, because as deserving as he was of the role, there really was no way Comedy Central would pick him. And while claims of reports of white males being discriminated in America and greatly exaggerated, in this case of a limited high profile role, it is probably legitimate. I'm not sure why the Comedy Central brass passed over Samantha Bee - females are more of a minority in comedy than blacks - but both her and Jason Jones (they're married) have moved onto other shows after presumably learning they will not be able to host.

This issue fits into the greater issue of workplace diversity as a whole. Why do we want a diverse workforce? It's a huge question. a) we want to get the best staff, and don't want institutional racism to disadvantage worthy workers b) we want different views that a diverse staff/leadership bring to the direction of a company c) we want the staff makeup to reflect that of the business customers to better address/understand their needs/concerns. Those points are all critical here but c) may be the most underrated one. The Daily Show demographic is becoming more and more racially diverse and having someone with a nuanced understanding of race and culture is critical for the job, given the direction in which Stewart has led the show.

On a side note, Trevor Noah's humor touches a lot on race and culture and this has gotten him some criticism since the big announcement. People have scoured over his twitter record and found among the heap of his many humorous tweets some objectionable jokes, mainly to Jews and women. I won't delve into the tweet details because I think these objections are mostly not well founded, but they do show that Noah will have to adapt to American sensibilities and those of historically discriminated groups here. He probably didn't have a full understanding growing up in Africa of the stereotypes that Jews are maligned with here, but he'll have to get that. Jon Stewart is probably an ideal coach in this area. Noah wil have to come to understand Americans much faster than Americans will come to understand him.

Cal's Guide to Asian Cities

This guide is very me. I've spent quite some time traveling around Asia, mostly to cities, and here is a wayward collection of experiences and opinions dressed up into a guide. All travel tips, pictures, puns, and snarky comments are mine. If you don't like me, you won't like this.

Bangkok

Minimum Time: 2 days

Linguistic Notes: Bangkok isn't the official name for the city. The official name comes from Pali and Sanskrit root words, ancient languages of northern India which were the scripture languages for Buddhism, similar to ancient Hebrew and Aramaic for Christianity.

Do: Bangkok has a lot going for it. There is a reason the city has often been the most visited city in the world. The Grand Palace is golden and grand as are so many temples. There are happening markets, riverboat tours, and so many malls. The food options are tremendous, with street-side vendors selling skewers and orange Thai Iced teas and many different regional Thai cuisines packing their own spices. Then the sun disappears and trucks open up Transformer-style into parked bars, night markets emerge, tourists and locals alike rage underneath expressways and interesting night shows shall we say take place. Bangkok is similar this way to Amsterdam and New Orleans - there's plenty to do culturally, but that's not why you're really there. 2 days is enough to scratch the surface, but especially when factoring hangover time, 3 or 4 is recommended.

Pun Factor: 10. While not unanimous, Bangkok is at least a Thai for punniest city in Asia. There's a reason schoolchildren ask "What's the capital of Thailand?" before punching you in the balls. "Let's go to the temple." "Wat Pho?" There's also a MRT station called Nana, which even locals find funny.

Beijing

Minimum Time: 4 days

NLGX

Linguistic Footnote: Beijing (北京) means Northern Capital. There is also a Southern Capital (Nanjing - 南京) and an Eastern Capital (Tokyo － 东京). 

Do: China has 5,000 years of history and a lot of it took place in Beijing. Large restored sections of The Great Wall are an hour away and are required for Chinese to "become real Chinese." The Forbidden City and Summer Palace preserve some parts of the last dynasty, and Tiananmen Square will invoke more recent Chinese history. There's the Drum Tower and other sections of the former city wall, numerous temples, other former imperial courtyards and gardens, upscale shopping, hidden Hutongs, crazy nightlife, Peking duck, the huge Summer palace, the 798 art district, Beihai park, Nanluoguxiang street, the CCTV tower, the Bird's Nest, the Olympic Sites and some of the world's worst air. The city as a whole is a great collection of tough people from all over China who have been through a lot.  Due to the spread of the city, you really need 4 days to do it properly.

Pun Factor: 4. I heart BJ, as well as heart getting Tanked in Tiananmen (original name of this blog).

Guangzhou

Minimum Time: 1.5 days

Linguistic Notes: Guangzhou has historically been known to the Western world as Canton. When the Portuguese arrived in the 1500s, there really wasn't a name for this city, but the province name was/is Guangdong. The Portuguese somehow transformed this into Canton. Oh don't worry, we will delve more into Portuguese trans-phonetics in this blog post.

Guang-tham City?

Do: Guangzhou is a historic center of trade, trading with the Arab world as early as the 9th century. There's some history to be found, like the former colonial enclaves and the church on Shamian Island, some old school Cantonese architecture and a museum dedicated to the father of modern China, Sun Yat-Sen from nearby. But despite the long history and its reputation as the birthplace of Cantonese culture, Guangzhou really disappointed me in the cultural category. It's modernized into any other Chinese metropolis. It sprawls into other cities with far too many people, and with road names like Jie Fang South Road divided by the same plastic white gates, Guangzhou typically feels like any other city in China. On the plus side, there are some cool modern residential buildings in Zhujiang New Town, and some cool teahouses and a very solid nightlife scene. The city is so big that if you actually do want to see the sights, it'll take a while, but the sights aren't all that special.

Pun Factor: 1. I cant(on) even.

Hong Kong

Minimum time: 2 days

Linguistic Notes: Hong and Kong do not actually rhyme in Cantonese.

Do: I originally came up with the concept of "minimum time" to help tourists plan their trip to Hong Kong. Despite the often overwhelming density, Hong Kong (Skyscraper City) is arguably a better place to live than to visit. The main attraction is that skyline, as seen from the the Peak (take the tram up for old timeyness, or a taxi up waiting behind 100 people for a 100 year old ride isn't your thing), the Star Ferry, the ICC Sky bar, the Avenue of Stars, or one of hundreds of great spots weaved into the mountainside. First timers to Asia generally enjoy the Big Buddha statue out in Lantau, which is larger taller in meters (34) than it is old in years (21). There's street stall shopping in Mong Kok and Temple Street, colonial history in Tsim Sha Tsui and Sheung Wan, aggressive hooker bars in Wan Chai, a crowded materialistic public area creatively named Times Square, and the world's heaviest concentration of debauchery upon a steep gradient in Lan Kwai Fong (LKF). Because of the city's great transportation system, that can all be done in 2 days and still leave you time to spend way too much money on a purse. If you want off the beaten path, there's the park/outdoor museum in the former Kowloon Walled City, incredible hiking trails all over the territory, easily accessible beaches, charming streets in Sham Shui Po, an old tram that locals call the Ding Ding, the Asia Society's intricate connection to the mountainside, and so much great food that you might get too full to do any of these things. The connected elevated walkways in Central are also attractive to those who like urban design, while fans of skyscraper architecture could consider this their Mecca. My five favorite buildings here: 1) Bank of China 2) HSBC Building 3) K11 4) The Centre Building 5) Carnegie's.

Pun Factor: 5. Haters like to call this place Hong Wrong, fans like to call it King Kong, but I'm not sure how long you can keep these puns strong. I was proven wrong though, by this: http://mashable.com/2015/01/13/hong-kong-metro-puns/ . I would like to say I wish I came up with those, but I really don't. 

Kuala Lumpur

Minimum Time: 2 days

Linguistic Notes: Its name means "muddy estuary" but read my previous post for way more linguistic background on Malaysian Chinese than you'll ever want to know.

Do: Kuala Lumpur only developed as a major city out of a tin mine in the late 1800s.  The only must-see in KL are the Petronas Towers which splendidly stand out in a skyline that gives it very little competition. The Batu caves are slightly outside the city, still accessible by metro, and are very cool for the large statue 43m statue of Hindu deity Lord Murugan and the awe inspiring (and bat-filled) caves up the mountain. Chinatown is cool if you don't live in a Chinese city, Merdeka Square is nice but empty, several of the Mosques are notable, and there are some fairly epic malls (Pavilion, Suria KLCC) because no Asian city would be complete without those, and a surprisingly strong nightlife scene in the Golden Triangle, especially for a Muslim country.  The food though is the main draw, and I cannot underemphasize how good and varied the cuisine in KL is, from Nasi Lemak to South Indian roti to Bakuteh. Malaysia's tourism slogan is "Malaysia, Truly Asia" which I find pretty fitting (and better than the alternative: Malaysia, the Airplane Mystery State). The city is not only incredibly diverse with so many Asian ethnicities and languages visibly represented, but it also exhibits many of the forces facing Asian cities today, including modernization eroding tradition, religious tension, traffic problems and solutions, pollution and the smell of durian. Whatever your preconceptions of Asia are, you will probably find them in Kuala Lumpur. 

Pun Factor: 2. It seems like you got something to work with here, but I got nothing of kuala-ty. I just got a ton of bad ideas all lumpur-ed together. 

Macau:

Minimum Time: 4 hours

Linguistic Notes: Macau sounds nothing like the Chinese name for this city (Cantonese: Ou Mun. Mandarin: Ào Mén). It is possibly named after an A Ma Temple that used to be there (A Ma Gok), but my theory is that the Portuguese were just terrible at transliterating names. I mean, they thought that Canton sounded like Guangdong. Also the current Portuguese spelling of Macau replaces Macao which is confusingly still used, even in official capacities.

Do: Count the number of face cards and non-face cards, and when the non-face cards outnumber the face cards by 10, start betting big. There's the Venetian, the Sands, the MGM Grand and the Casino Lisboa, none of which will kick you out for staring and all of which will let you slobber their free milk teas. Other than the the casinos, there are some cute European streets, a large historical Chinese house called the Mandarin House, the House of Dancing Water Show, the lovely Portuguese seaside restaurant Fernando's and the remaining wall of the St. Paul's Cathedral. Truth be told, Macau has had a rich and interesting cultural history, similar to Hong Kong, as an independent polity next to a turbulent mainland China. It was one of the earliest European colonies in Asia, and the most recently returned. However, unlike Hong Kong, Macau has ceased to develop it's own industry and has instead sold out to a comfortable quality of life financed entirely by mainland gamblers' losses. All that is left of the heart and soul of Macau is a burnt-out facade, which is physically manifested in the St. Paul's Cathedral.

Pun factor: 3. When introducing a local specialty item to Macau, what lazy name can McDonald's executives come up with? The Macau McCow.  

Manila 

Minimum Time: 1 day

Linguistic Notes: Most Americans just assume that people speak Spanish in the Philippines because so many Filipinos use Spanish names. But nowadays, nobody speaks Spanish

Do: Manilans will quickly tell you that next to Warsaw, Manila was the city second most devastated by World War II. This is used to explain why there isn't a whole lot of special visible history. There is a lot of Spanish influence in the background, in the old stone architecture and horse-drawn carriages, and a lot of American influence in the foreground, in the road signs and Krispy Kreme stores. There are aspects of Manila that fit into any leading global city, from the Mall of Asia to the clubs of Makati to the Fully Booked bookstore in Alabang. There also lots of leaky slums and crammed jeepney rides that show the poverty still rampant throughout the country. Rizal Park is worth checking out, as well as St Augustin Cathedral, Intramuros and Chinatown. See some of the sites, get to know some Filipinos and see why they're awesome and then leave the city to learn more about the country if that's what you want.

Pun Factor: 6. What do offices in Manila use? Manila folders. What do you call a white rapper from here? Manila Ice. Maybe it's true what they say: It's more pun in the Pilippines.

Mumbai

Minimum time: 2 days

Linguistic Notes: This city was called Bombay for many years before a 1990s belated decolonization name change, and is still referred to as such by many longtime residents, in a similar manner to how Aussies might call Uluru as Ayer's Rock. Bombay might come from the Portuguese words for "good bay", which seems kinda lame, or it might come from a brutal mishearing of the local Marathi word Mumbai. As we have established, the Portuguese are terrible with foreign languages. The city has historically been referred to "as Mumbai or Mambai in Marathi, Konkani, Gujarati, Kannada and Sindhi, and as Bambai in Hindi, Persian and Urdu." 

Do: One's experience in Mumbai/Bombay will likely depend on one's familiarity with India. Out of context, Mumbai can be a very overwhelming city, a dense dizzying array of people, colors, aromas and sporadic Bollywood dance numbers. The main sights include the city harbour with the Gateway to India arch, the adjacent Taj Mahal hotel, and the Chhatrapati Shivaji Terminus (call it VT). Other reasons to visit Mumbai include the beaches, the temples (Hindu, Jain, Sikh and Parsi are well-represented), the food and the museums. And the food is really, really good. If you can arrange it, a tour through the slums will provide a glimpse into the reality of over half the city's population. On the flip side, if you want to throw up, you could try to get a glimpse into the life of the 0.1% and see Antilia, the world's first $1 billion home.  Like several other cities in this list though, Mumbai is a younger city with far more to offer businessmen than it does tourists. 

Pun Factor: 5. The city was formerly the Bomb, but now is kinda mum. 

Osaka

Minimum Time: 2.5 days

Linguistic Notes: People from Osaka have a distinctive accent in Japanese 

Semi-enclosed shopping way struck by lightning

Do: Osaka is the second biggest of Japan's metropolises and one if its former capitals, but suffered a lot of damage in World War II. The main site, Osaka Castle, is a "ferroconcrete reconstruction" and while an informative museum and nice view, does not take you back to the days of samurais and ninjas. Dotonburi with the famous running man billboard is very bright and sensory overloading, and the same can be said of the neighborhood of Namba, which launched a popular band of rotating female dancers/singers called NMB 48. Shitenno-ji Temple is worth visiting if you haven't seen too many Japanese temples, and a baseball game is definitely a good experience for those familiar with the sport. There is also a giant outdoor climbing wall in the shape of a bowling ball that hangs over a street. Osaka is a good introduction to Japan, known as a great city to eat and drink, from high end sushi to fried innards underneath a railway bridge. Walk along the beautiful canals, the covered shopping alleyways, eat the fried food and then take a train to Kyoto, Kobe or Nara.

Pun Factor: 2. O for Pete's Sake don't try.

Seoul

Minimum Time: 3 days

Linguistic Notes: Most places in Seoul and Korea have corresponding Hanja Chinese characters due

to the historical Chinese brought written language. Seoul did not and recently decided on a phonetic transcription of 首爾. However the Chinese name had been 漢城 meaning city on the Han River or Han City, which is kinda confusing because Han is also the name for the Chinese people.

Do: Seoul is a loaded functional city. It's divided by a river and develops into the mountainside, with old and labyrinthine neighborhoods in between.  For tourist sites, the regal palace is a B version of the Forbidden City, but all told the Five Grand Palaces in Seoul are great examples of classic Korean architecture. Seoul City Hall and Dongdaemun Design Plaza among the many curved compelling pieces of modern architecture in the city. Seoul has a ton of museums, notably the National Museum of Art, the National Folk Museum and the Samsung founder's personal project Leeum Museum. Seoul boasts shrines that the UN has deemed worthwhile, an Olympic park, the Banpo Rainbow Bridge (which both crosses water and spurts out water) and the most wired city in the world (wifi everywhere). There are so many great food options, including street side tents and even food without kimchee. The drink option are impressive as well, whether you want to cheers with English teachers in Hongdae or Itaewon, get drunk under the table by Soju-hardened Koreans in Sinchon, or go upscale and pay homage to Psy in Gangnam. You could do Seoul in 2 days (if you don't spend too much time hungover) because there aren't exactly must-dos in this city, but you certainly won't get bored with a 3rd day.

Pun Factor: 10. Whether you arrive via the Seoul plane or Seoul train or by the Seouls of your shoes, hope you make some Seoul mates and leave a Seoul survivor. But due to the existence of Bangkok, Seoul is not the sole leader of Asian puns.

Shanghai

Minimum Time: 1.5 days

Linguistic Notes: The Wu dialect that emerged from the surrounding area is the descendant of the Chinese language that most influenced Japanese Kanji. The pronunciations of these characters have all evolved, but they still sound closest when comparing Shanghainese with the Japanese.

Do: The touristy aspects of Shanghai are essentially contained within one panoramic shot from the Bund and a walk underground in the most touristy tunnel imagineable to the other side of the Huangpu and the Oriental Pearl Tower. There's Xintiandi, a rare example of a redevelopment of a traditional Chinese neighborhood into an upscale commercial pedestrian zone that does not make you vomit. Actually, I don't really know much about Shanghai because even though my dad lives there and I've been there over a half dozen times, he takes me to the same places every time.  If you want to take the James Lee tour of Shanghai, then get some spicy crayfish in the wee hours, jog around tourists to the Bund, dine at the TMSK restaurant for their fusion band, visit the exquisite wooden furniture by an acclaimed artist/architect at a store/exhibition called 半木, and go to that one Japanese restaurant where you have to duck your head to enter. Apparently there's the Zhujiajiao Water Town far to the southwest of the city; but if you're gonna go that far, you might as well go to Hangzhou. Other than that, go to Shanghai and enjoy the First World offerings. That might mean tasting a Coldstone Creamery in a mall, drinking martinis in a 70th storey hotel bar, gawking at the bottle opener building or the even taller Shanghai Tower, regurgitating lots of East meets West cliches, or stuffing your face full of Xiaolongbao.

Pun Factor: 4. In this city, the proof of the pun is in the Pudong. It helps that Shanghai has become a verb in English, and that if you fly from Shanghai to Mumbai (analogous cities), you are literally going from Hai to Bai.

Shenzhen

Minimum Time: 1 day

Linguistic Notes: I got nothing here.

Can't we all just Paidui?

Do: If you want to know how different Chinese are from Westerners, all you have to know is that Shenzhen is a major tourist destination within China. Lots of Westerners living in Hong Kong would be shocked from this, because their experience of Shenzhen is usually something like the scene on the right, a mad scramble across the border to a much less polite city. In actuality, Shenzhen is one of the most developed and most Western cities in China, with a mind boggling skyrocketing pace of development. Chinese people enjoy seeing the fake Eiffel Tower in Windows of the World and the amusement park / European replica OCT East. More compelling to me is the 大芬油画村, a zone out in Longgang where artists are trained to copy classic works of art like the Mona Lisa. I've not been yet, but the place seems very cool and emblematic of the foundation of China's modern economy - copycatting. Shenzhen is no longer so economically tied to Hong Kong. Companies all over the world are flying in directly to do business with the factories, and the city is home to a burgeoning tech startup scene. Still, as a city barely 30 years old, there's plenty of ammunition to disparage the lack of cultural anything in Shenzhen, and I will stick to using a picture of Futian the one time it took me an hour and a half to cross back into Hong Kong.

Pun Factor: 0. Literally I got nothing here.

Singapore

Minimum Time: 2 days

Linguistic Notes: Singapore comes from the Malay word Singapura, itself from a Sanskrit word meaning Lion City. The Chinese name I knew growing up was 星加坡, which sounds like Singapore in Cantonese, but with the full on adoption of Mandarin, simplified characters and pinyin, the official name is now 新加坡, which sounds more better in Mandarin.

Pictures in Singapore look like architects' renderings

Do: The world's only shopping mall with an immigration counter has a million ways to make you forget about the poverty in surrounding nations. It's a great place to visit if you hate dirt and chewing gum, if you like toast and Milo, if you want to call your taxi driver "Uncle", or if you want to eat at a hawker centre but are too much of a hypochondriac to try in Malaysia. To Westerners, we call it Asia Lite, where the city collectively speaks dozens of language but really just uses English. Get a picture spitting with the Merlion, pay your way up to the top of Marina Bay Sands and marvel at the infinity pool, and go window shopping in Orchard Row. If you want a manufactured good time, venture out to Sentosa beach or Universal Studios or the Night Safari. But really just eat eat eat and keep eating, whether it's Malay food, Indian food, Chinese food, chili crab or western food. In truth, people like to give Singapore a hard time for its perceived sterility - in Singapore, once you've seen one, you've seen the mall. CNN even published a travel article "Top 10 Most Boring Things to do in Singapore." But we mock because Singapore is so functional and well thought-out, there are few outbursts of the organic craziness that expats grow to expect and love in Asia. People in China will see a collision of a truck carrying eggs with a moped on a pedestrian sidewalk and mutter to themselves "only in China" whereas people in Singapore will see ordinary citizens neatly line up for the opening of a new restaurant in the airport and mutter to themselves "only in Singapore." But deep down there's a lot to admire in a society that has lifted itself from poverty to the economic elite, dramatically raised health standards and lowered crime in its short 50 year history.

Pun Factor: 4. I mean, Singapore is a fine city. Was it ever a sunken colony? No it was a S'pore colony #starcraftjoke.

Taipei

Minimum Time: 2 days

Linguistic Notes: Few countries have had as large scale a linguistic transformation as Taiwan, with the main spoken language of Taiwanese replaced by Mandarin within 2 generations. Taiwanese is still alive and well but there are many native Taiwanese, particularly those raised in Taipei, who are well short of fluent in it.

Do: Taipei is an easy and common weekend destination for Hong Kongers. Mainland tourists now have direct flights and get to enjoy speaking their native language while handling currency that doesn't have the same picture on it. Taipei 101 sticks out in what is really a short city, and much of the charm of Taipei is ground level. The night markets make this city famous, where the smells of stinky tofu are partially diluted by those of steamed balls and teppenyaki. The National Palace Museum is priceless, consisting of many of the most valuable works of art from the Forbidden City that were carefully taken away before the Japanese invasion and moved to Taipei during the Chinese Civil War.  I don't usually spend much of precious travel time in a museum, but this one is worth a good chunk of hours. Then go to Chiang Kai-Shek Memorial Hall, because it's there, and Sun Yat-sen Memorial Hall, if you want more memories. Taipei is a good city to hike, with Elephant Mountain convenient and providing great views of Taipei 101, I mean the city skyline. If hot springs are your thing, there are several not far from the city. Besides these attractions though, Taipei is a great walkable city with lots of coffeeshops, cute alleys and bubble tea.

Pun Factor: 6. Just depends if you're a Taipei personality, or a Type B personality.

Yangon

Minimum Time: 1.5 days

Linguistic Notes: Yangon literally means something like "no more enemies" in Burmese and is translated as the End of Strife. The name of the first village to be at this site was called Dagon, which is still reflected in place names, including the city's famous icon Schwedagon Pagoda (Great Dagon).

View within Kandawgyi Park

Do: The Schwedagon Pagoda alone is enough to visit the city formerly known as Rangoon. The golden splendor of the most important Buddhist site in the land is among the more spectacular sites I've ever seen, and the city's streets are laid out to keep it getting seen. There's a lot of colonial history in the city, with more colonial-era buildings than any other city in Asia, but much of this is because the buildings are crumbling and the city has been too poor to rebuild them. Still, Yangon is a bustling diverse market town with Bogyoke market in particular trading some interesting spices, fabrics and jewelry. The jade market especially has exploded in Burma, due to demand from China, but I wish I knew about its devastating social consequences before I bought my amulet. In contrast to the daytime activity, the city goes all but silent after 9pm. Sule Pagoda is noteworthy on its own but pales in comparison to Schwedagon. The other main religious site, Botataung Paya is important historically, claiming to house strands of Buddha's hair, but was bombed in WWII and will not impress on travelers who have seen a stupid number of stupas. The city has a great park around Kandawgyi Lake which has a tourist-only fee that is still worth paying. Aung San Suu Kyi's house is reachable, but is no longer a site of demonstrations. My taxi driver literally stopped on his own and pointed out the house. Yangon's colonial history seems so removed from its modern construction, reflected its buried dead - the grave of the last Emperor of the Mughal Empire is here, as is a Jewish cemetery. And amazingly, the city is small enough that I was basically able to do everything on this list in 2 days and still check out the nightlife, which is so many levels below every other city on this list. Food-wise, I've documented how bizarrely bland Myanmar food is despite its culinary neighbors, but Shan noodles are worth a bowl.

Pun Factor: 3. How do you ask a Chinese person in Myanmar if he/she is cold? Brrrr 吗？


Of course, there are many cities in Asia I have not been to that are very worth visiting. The ones with the deadliest Pun Factors include Hanoi (puns can get Hanoi-ing very quickly), Penang (Punang), Delhi (cold cuts), Phnom Penh (Phnomenal), and of course, Phuket. While crafting this post, I was reminded how great Asia is. There are old cities, there are new cities, and there are interesting places that aren't cities. I was also reminded how I haven't written a travel recap post like this since: http://cal337.blogspot.hk/2009/01/recap-overratedunderrated.html. Anyway if you haven't visited Asia, come check it out. If I left anything out or really missed out on some city attractions, leave a comment below.

Strait Thuggin' It

The turn of the half decade put me in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia. I was in a country I had long poorly understood. I was first puzzled by Malaysian Chinese in London back in 2008, where I happened upon a group of them speaking Cantonese outside a LSE party. I was quickly impressed by how fluent they were in English, Mandarin, Cantonese and presumably Malay. As someone struggling to become trilingual, I couldn't understand and how they all so effortlessly seemed to speak all those languages. I came to find many more Malay Chinese with similar polygottal aptitude, who when pressed would often say they speak many languages at home, especially Hokkien, and learned Cantonese from watching TVB. Very little of this made sense to me.

My perception of immigrant life, especially immigrant Chinese life, could not account for these Malays. Most immigrants I've met speak the language of their parents and heritage country at home, but speak the language of their current country best. Many immigrants can't speak their heritage language at all, and most lose it within 2-3 generations.  I've met many Chinese from Australia, America, Canada, Thailand, UK, France, Italy, Philippines, Côte d'Ivoire, Vietnam and Panama who fit my model. It seems simple.

Malacca town centre with red Dutch colonial buildings

But the Malaysian communities, which are also related to Singaporean and Indonesian communities, are very different and their histories are fascinating to me. For starters, they are a large group, which Chinese making up about a quarter of the population in Malaysia and the majority of Singapore. The oldest of them, called the Peranakan or Baba Nyongyan, came as early as the 1400s. Chinese communities were well established by the 1600s and many who arrived in the 1800's got rich. This period saw a great blossoming in trade as the West discovered the will and ability to sail to the East and the world changed forever. With Constantinople falling to the Ottoman Empire in 1421, the Silk Road was cut off for Europeans and the much desired silk and spices stopped showing up in the markets of Venice and Bruges. The Portuguese saw a market gap here and made big ships, reached India and established a colony in Goa. They soon realized the importance of the Malacca Straits in reaching East Asia from India. The Malacca Sultanate is considered the first Malay independent entity on the land after eras of empires of Indian or Indonesian extraction and established themselves as policers of the straits. With Europe really loving the spices, jade, silk and porcelain that these ships could bring back, a quote by the Portuguese Tomé Pires which is inscribed in the garden of the Malacca Sultan Palace: "Whoever is Lord of Malacca has his hand on the throat of Venice."

Chinese shop houses with Straits-style architecture

So the Portuguese went ahead and conquered Malacca. That was 1521, and while their 140 year rule must have been eventful, this tale is usually abridged by mentioning that the Dutch took it over in 1640s and the British in the 1800s. The British especially had a large empire in place at this time, and they seemed to see some untapped economic potential in the resources of Malaysia. They encouraged a lot of Indians and Chinese to migrate to Malaysia, and these communities really got going. 

I read a lot of this in the book "How Trade Shaped the World." It's description of some of the major centers of trade made me pine to visit: Venice, Hormuz, Malacca, Canton (Guangzhou). I've been to three of these now in the past two years. Venice is one of the most touristy places in the world, still showing off the wealth of its ages past but no longer a vibrant economic center of trade. Guangzhou is the opposite, now a bustling metropolis but with a disappointedly paltry amount of physical history remaining to boast of its role in the Age of Discovery. I'm sitting now in Malacca, where I can see the signs of loss in the modern economy, the diluting cultural effects of tourism, but also a healthy amount of European settlement and a charming abundance of a Chinese culture no longer found in China. In Guangzhou I felt lost in the midst of what seemed like any other Chinese city, in Venice charmed but removed from the era of trade. In Malacca I can sense the melting pot history and feel connected to what seems like a much more exciting era.

The Chinese here came from many regions and in many waves. Like seemingly all Chinese diaspora, they established Chinatowns and tried to preserve their traditions more conservatively than those in China. Chinese shops are equipped with ornate signs all reading from right to left. They primarily spoke Hokkien, Hakka, Teochew, Cantonese and some Wu. I've met plenty of people in my generation who still claim to speak five dialects (including Mandarin) fine. All mixed together, it seems everyone could speak everything. I can envision some poor laborers in Fujian boarding a boat and ending up in a tin mine in Malaysia, working alongside lots of other Chinese men. They would have had to pick up all other dialects, which wouldn't have been too arduous over enough time. If they interacted with locals more or the authorities, they would've had to speak good Malay or English. As their children settled and an education system was standardized/imposed, they would have learned Malay and English well. Nowadays, a lot of Chinese children go to Chinese primary schools where they learn to properly read and write Mandarin (which they uniquely call 華語 Huayu). They'll also learn Malay and English from the age of 6 or so, and transition into a Malay high school because Chinese high schools are not recognized. Because English is the language of universities, those pursuing higher Ed have to keep that up. Not every Malaysian Chinese is like this, completely multilingual. My friend in Borneo doesn't speak any Chinese, and plenty of poorly educated people don't speak English. Some of my friends have admitted to struggling with Malay, particularly after years abroad.

I think the reason Malay Chinese haven't dropped their Chinese language heritage and fully adopted Malay is largely owing to the size of their community but partly because of the role of English. For us immigrants abroad, learning the local language is a prerequisite to upwards mobility. For Malaysian Chinese, a lot of high paying colonial jobs required English first, and nowadays with great English you can go abroad and study. Many of the educated elite Malay Chinese in fact speak primarily English at home. Thus Malay has been relegated to a role language, used strictly for communicating to the Malays and other ethnicities around. Cantonese, Hokkien and now Mandarin are the lingua francas within the Chinese community, Malay the lingua franca within the country, and English within the world. Depending on which communities you spend more time in, your linguistic aptitudes will adjust naturally.

I'll finish with one personal anecdote. I wandered far outside historical Melaka center, past shopping malls and seaside construction and residential neighborhoods in search of the Portuguese settlement on my map. I didn't find much there. Closely packed ranch or two floored houses with intense Christmas decorations were exhibiting an ordinary Saturday afternoon that could have just as easily taken place in North Attleboro, Massachusetts or Irvine, California. I reached the seashore finally, after the entire previous 4km stretch had been blocked by construction or industrial activity. There wasn't much here either. I was very confused, no seaside city passes up on coastal development, much less one historically known as an entrepôt. So I found a restaurant that was completely empty save for what seemed like staff and children. A brown man served me a bottle of water, while an old man and woman conversed in a Chinese language. I tried but all I could pick up were phrases that I thought were purely Mandarin or English. Finally I asked the woman if she could speak Cantonese, with an idea what the answer would be. She said, "yes, no problem la" but spoke with a fairly strong and unusual accent. She told me that they had been conversing in Hokkien, and that they spoke basically everything in their community, but qualified this statement by saying "we can speak some of everything, but all of nothing." Her Cantonese wasn't perfect, but it was communicable, kinda like mine. The guy didn't seem to fully understand us.

I asked if there were any Portuguese here. The woman explained sure, this place was setup specifically for Portuguese, from all over Malaysia in fact. I asked how many this was. 2000, 3000 about? she confirmed with the man. In fact her husband, who was moving crates around in the restaurant, was of Portuguese and Malaysian descent. He still spoke Portuguese, but she added "已經變了" meaning the Portuguese they speak has already evolved to the point of unintelligibility with Europeans. At this point the man jumped in, and explained in English the history of the settlement. Portuguese had been in Malaysia since the 1500's, and amazingly some of them were still there as a distinct entity. In 1933, the community was granted a tract of land on swampy, reclaimed land 5km from city centre. The reason this waterfront lacks much development or history is that it's not historical at all, and "there's no fish out there." The community seems so unremarkably residential belying their unique heritage were it not for the very visible Christmas celebrations still up in January. In a country where it has become controversial for Muslims to even say "Merry Christmas," the Portuguese community are known as Kristang (from Christian) and defiantly loving the Christmas spirit. 

The man reintroduced himself as Mr. Lau and said his mother was a Peranakan. I would learn from my museum visit later that the Peranakan were, as the earliest Chinese arrivals, usually the first to take advantage of the crops and trade here and become societal elites. It was no wonder that he was so well versed in the region's history and his English evidently fluent. He told me about a black house built in 1945 that was of a more original style, still made entirely of wood, and was now inhabited but also preserved by the local museum. He told me how there used to be a bell to alert people to fires and events by the statue of St. Peter. He told me he'd been to Hong Kong and how it was nice but that there were too many people.

I had never been much of a history buff growing up, but I'd never been so affected by the history of a city as I was now. When I visited the Peranakan house and museum, a 19th century two story triple house owned by a rich Peranakan family of the last name Chan, I understood the history a lot better. The original Mr. Chan had come penniless from Fujian and ended up owning a spices plantation and diversifying into rubber and fruits. The house had cool elements, including a peephole from the 2nd story bedroom to the front door, rainwater collection, furniture from England and a stone bowl for grinding spices. The family is now 5 generations descended from the original immigrant and spread throughout the English speaking world (Canada, Singapore, US, UK, Australia). As I looked at the family picture taken just a year ago, I felt like I was seeing familiar faces. How many Chinese people had I met along the way who mentioned some heritage to Malaysia that just confused me? One of them easily could have been from this family. The world was somehow making more sense now. Maybe I've done a poor job of explaining it, but this group of Malaysian Chinese that was so puzzling to me had been solved after this one trip, and that was as much as I could expect for a New Year's holiday.

Go West Young Man, and Grow Up With Your Country

I recently moved apartments. Just apartments - I didn't even move out of Hong Kong - fairly unremarkable as 14% of Americans move each year, skewing much higher for people in their 20s. It was my first move in three full years, all happily spent in a north-facing 27th floor flat in Prince Edward.

Bodies of water divide a lot of places. In fact, almost every city I've ever lived in has had great cultural divides between the inhabitants of major areas separated by a body of water. There's Boston and Cambridge, Washington DC and Arlington, Manhattan and Brooklyn, North and South Dublin. Even when barges and trolleys are replaced by bridges and underground subways and these areas become functionally convenient neighbors, old geographic barriers are erased much more gradually.

The gap between Kowloon and Hong Kong island is greater than any other I've experienced, at least in the realm of the expat. Locals might not see quite the same gap. There is a stretch from Soho to Causeway Bay that contains enough international conveniences for an expat to need never leave. It's pretty amazing how many people never leave Hong Kong island the associated dumb conversations I've had with such people. "Where do you live?" "Prince Edward." "Is that in Hong Kong?" Or the time my friend was asked the same question. "Hung Hom." "Oh...is that near the airport?" People seem to assume that I have to catch the Star Ferry back home, as if the MTR hadn't been invented yet. I'd tell people oh I'm just one station north of Mong Kok, still at the intersection of the Tsuen Wan line and the Kwun Tong line, and people would nod along to unfamiliar words as if I was explaining string theory.

I get it though. A lot of people come here from first world countries with no background in Chinese culture. They come because Hong Kong is one of those major world cities with everything to offer in jobs, food, culture and cosmopolitan individuals who can compare Hong Kong to cities like London, Paris, New York, Shanghai and Singapore. They're not here to discover their roots, not to engage with locals who compare Hong Kong to places like Zhongshan, Shunde and Shenzhen. They have plenty to do with their lives without trying to dive into local culture.  Hong Kong island is also where I started off, where all of my aunts and uncles live, and still where I spent most of my party nights during the three years in Kowloon. For people who's jobs are in Central, who earn enough to survive a night of fine dining at the Shangri-La, it doesn't really make any sense to look off the island. In a different but extremely probable alternate life, I could have begun and ended my Hong Kong experience as an islander.

But circumstances saw otherwise. My engineering company happened to be based in Kowloon Tong, 30 minutes from Central. With my starting salary it made sense to look for housing up in the New Territories such as Sha Tin. I compromised and found a great place in Prince Edward. And once there, I explored like I've explored everywhere I've ever lived. I entered little tea restaurants with questionable hygiene, with terrible toilets, with no English menus and no complimentary napkins. Sometimes I felt out of place, like I did in a West Roxbury barbershop, or in an African restaurant near Howard University, or 3am in a Beijing Xinjiang establishment watching the World Cup. And like always, I took these uncomfortable terrors and turned them into experience and worldliness. And Prince Edward offered me so much of that.

Here I'll wax poetically of my treasure filled neighborhood. It'll start with the food, the myriad tea restaurants, the HK style breakfast cafes, the bakeries. One of my favorite streets hosted quality Japanese, Taiwanese and Vietnamese restaurants. There was the congee place where a bowl went from $14 to $19 over the course of my stay, the Guizhou potato noodles place that I didn't go to enough, that that hole in the wall dirt-cheap spicy noodle shop, where 1 out of 10 spiciest was more than I could handle. There was the Michelin rated dim sum place with a 40 minute wait, and the little homemade dim sum place a street over if you didn't want to wait. There were all those bars with bucket beer deals, dice rattling locals and a karaoke machine without long queues. There was that seamstress who operated at the edge of a tiny alleyway and a cobbler and keycutter doing likewise. There were shopping malls, hardware stores, haircuts, gyms, baby clothes stores, tailors, currency exchange, eyeglasses stores, doctors, furniture and appliance stores, toy stores, jade stores, pharmacies, Chinese pharmacies, traditional tea dispensaries, mechanics, tiles stores, police station, pet stores....I mean what was not within a 10 minute walk from my place? I'm at a loss to come up with real examples.

But I use the past tense because I don't go to those now because I live island side. When I moved over, I truly felt a subtle paradigm shift in my life. Standing in the lobby of my new apartment building, with a doorman, ornamental chairs and chandelier, I felt present in a new, more respected part of society. True, my old apartment building had a doorman and my rent in Kennedy Town was actually decreasing. But I was surrounded by people who walked around with that island side gait, with lots of English speakers and suits in the crowd. In Mong Kok I often felt like a peculiar outsider - here I felt among peers, with plenty of other CBC or ABCs working for international companies. In Mong Kok I had gotten into interesting conversations with people who lived very different lives from me, from whom I learned much but who seemed to never understand me. Here I felt like I had a real chance to make lasting friends based on mutual respect. I was face to face with a physical embodiment of 'class' and all its associations. I went out and bought a delicious flat white and a burger that could have been made in Wisey's.

And then I tried to get into town on a Saturday morning. The taxi stand increased at a faster rate than taxis could arrive, the buses were congested and the tram was sooooo sloooooow. It took me 20 minutes to get to central on a good day, 30 stressful ones on a bad day. Prince Edward-Central had been 25 consistently. In fact, basically everywhere I ever wanted to go became less convenient. I was confused why anyone would want to live there at all before the MTR arrived. It's so damn inconvenient. Sure some people appreciate the quiet and the restaurants are nice....but man these buses lower the quality of my life. Why do so many well to do expats choose to live in Kennedy Town and so few in Prince Edward?

There are lots of reasons, but the crucial one is that a lot of these people would not find the same enjoyment in the nooks and establishments I just waxed so heavily on. And while it's understandable, it's also pretty sad. There's no right or wrong, no judgement here, just a tear shed for the platitudes of joy in our lives made inaccessible by fear, ignorance or habit.