SPO: Great team names

I went to a Bill Simmons book signing on Monday night. It was actually the opening book signing with the release of the book on Tuesday, so books were only available at midnight. It was actually pretty stupid - they should have taken a leaf from Midnight Madness and released the books at like 10pm there. Midnight Madness, the first college basketball practice of the season, used to take place at midnight as well because college teams are prohibited from practicing until a certain calendar day. But then they realized that by midnight, some college kids may be too gone to be good basketball fans. Yet even with a 10pm start time, one kid was dumb enough to steal a gun and shoot a toilet. But I digress.

I didn't even want a book - I mean this isn't Harry Potter here. But Bill Simmons has been an idol of mine since late high school. I basically used to refresh Espn.com until his column came out. Now I just listen to all his podcasts, and I've learned enough about him to really see all his flaws. When I finally got to meet him, at 1:40am and after shelving out $26 for his 700 page hardcover, I stuttered through asking him to sign "To Cal, the freeflowing signature that occasionally touches on mature subjects." (It's joke from the opening warning on his podcast) Looking visibly worn at this point, Bill went, "Oh I like that," before writing, "To Cal, the freeflowing signature...Bill" and said "sorry my hand is falling off." Then I met Joe House, who's voice I had only heard on the podcast. He looked like a Russian hitman, yet had that gentle voice. I told him we were going to bring him 2 Subway footlongs because we knew that "12 inch double meat was his thing."

During our long wait, my friend Steve and I revitalized our sophomore year discussion about team names. We went over the best and worst team names in American sports. I believe that team names are extremely important that will definitely impact a team's financial success and may impact its on field success. Many team name are classic things, like Bears and Eagles. Others should reflect city or regional characteristics. Here are my favorites:
Pittsburgh Steelers, Baltimore Ravens, San Francisco 49ers, Texas Rangers, Colorado Rockies, Milwaukee Brewers, Orlando Magic, Buffalo Bills

Here are my least favorite:
Washington Wizards, Oklahoma City Thunder, Utah Jazz, Memphis Grizzlies, Washington Redskins, Tampa Bay Buccaneers, Houston Texans, Carolina Panthers, Tampa Bay Lightning, Minnesota Wild

I've also compiled a list of fictional team names that probably will never be used as real team names. This concept started with my friend Layth bemoaning the awfulness of the Washington Wizards team name, and how they could have been the Washington Monuments (they changed their name in 1995 from the Bullets because of the violent connotations of bullets). This really involved into a project that occupied far too much of my time, but produced some downright hilarious results, as well as a few offensive ones. Without further ado:

Baltimore Wires
Boston Tea Party
Buffalo Wings
Chicago Deep Dishers
Cleveland Steamers
Hawaii Five-O
Indianapolis 500s
Kentucky Derbies
Los Angeles Riots
Los Angeles Smog
Memphis Pharaohs
Miami Vice
New Orleans Hurricanes
New York Minutes
Oklahoma City Bombers
Oregon Trail
Philadelphia Cheesesteaks
Phoenix Ashes
Salem Witch Trials
San Diego Anchormen
Seattle Best Coffees
St. Louis Arches
Texas Chainsaws
Utah Wives
Washington Monuments

I've even created a Buffalo Wings football helmet for your enjoyment.
Since this is an international-themed blog, I figured I might give you some international team names as well. Here we deviate even more from anything remotely presentable and just resort to silly puns. But you may enjoy:

London Bridges
Paris Hiltons
Brussels Sprouts
Berlin Walls
Prague Defenestration
Melbourne Identity
Seville Barbers
Dublin Mudslides
Seoul Trains
Bonn Voyages
Manila Folders
Kyoto Protocols
Vienna Sausages
Florence Nightingales

Whiteout Wipeout

It hadn't been the greatest week and so this Sunday I raced through some work in the morning and plopped myself in front of the Alumni Lounge TV for my traditional therapy - sports. Now sports are obviously a risky form of therapy when you're not playing them, because you don't have any control over it. And ever since coming back from studying abroad, I've questioned the role that watching American sports should play in my life. Still though, nothing takes away the past, and in the past I've had so many great memories being lifted by the Patriots, Red Sox or Celtics. I've also had moments, days and years of great sadness and futility imposed upon me by these same entities, and every Red Sox fan older than 10 should understand, and none worse than Super Bowl 42. But the Patriots were playing the 0-5 Tennessee Titans, so I felt pretty good that this game could be a relaxing venture.

Well it only turned out to be the most memorable sporting event I had seen in quite some time. Now in this mid-October day, I had woken up and complained bitterly about the 45 degree DC weather. Way too cold for an early fall day. Well, in Boston, it was snowing. Unbelievable. I'm not a huge fan of snow, because living in slush sucks, but football games in the snow are invariably awesome. There's something about people playing around in fluff that brings out the child within us all. The weather's impact on the play on the field also cannot be overstated. The cold can make it very hard even to get amped for the game and warm up, and slippery terrain changes what kind of routes receivers can run, the ball invariably gets slippy and will mess up some throws, and cold hands make for poorer throws and a ton more drops. Snowy days also tend to come with lots of wind which can also impact passes. I have experienced all these factors first hand through Ultimate, where snow impacts the game even more. You can't imagine how hard it can be to throw in catch when your hands are too cold to tie shoelaces.

So games in the snow tend to be low scoring games of minimal passing - lots of pound the ball forward for two yards and try to get a good punt off. The Patriots played a memorable 3-0 game against the Dolphins in the snow, in which the player of the game was the guy who drove the snowblower that cleared the field for the field goal that accounted for all the points in the game. A game against the Dolphins which I saw, in winter of 2002 or 2003 I believe, ended up 12-0 and had the fans throwing snowballs on the field, creating a fireworks-like effect. Snowgames rarely involve heavy scoring.

Sunday changed all that. The first quarter actually did seem to be any other snow game. The Patriots moved the ball slowly with a significant running game and short passes. They missed a field goal, but the Titans dropped a ton of passes and had difficulty moving the line of scrimmage. One of Tom Brady's longer passes to Randy Moss got hung up in the wind and fell short. Then, it seemed the Patriots got warmed up and the Titans rookie cornerbacks got exposed like no one before. The end result has been covered extensively and 5 touchdown passes in the 2nd quarter and a 59-0 final just about says it all. I attribute much of this to snow. Even though this was the first snowfall of the year, and thus the Patriots had clearly not practiced in it this year, they acted like veteran Eskimos. The Titans on the other hand, had no idea how to run in it. Their cornerbacks seemed afraid to change directions and gave the Patriots wide receivers a lot of room. Brady adjusted his throws and easily hit his massively open targets. His counterpart Kerry Collins though definitely struggled with the snowy ball, and his receivers were even worse, dropping nearly half of his passes, all of which contributed to an epic team passing yardage of -7. The Titans were awful in every respect, including 5 fumbles (3 lost), a shanked punt, and an interception by their backup quarterback Vince Young on his first play. Their only bright spot was Chris Johnson, one of the league's best running backs who still ran like it that day.

SPO: 2016 Olympics

Tomorrow in Copenhagen, Denmark, the IOC will decide who gets to host the much-anticipated 2016 Olympic Games. Really, these Olympics aren't any more highly-anticipated than any others, but I felt like that sentence needed an adjective. So I'm a big Olympics fan, generally support its entire movement, might even apply to work for them, and would potentially like to attend every single Summer Olympics from hereon out. So I have a lot of thoughts on this vote, even though I've only been to one of the candidate cities, Chicago, and not even for very long.

The candidate cities are Chicago, Madrid, Tokyo and Rio de Janiero. The IOC has its own elaborate criteria for selection that heavily accounts for financial facility, infrastructural capabilities and logistical feasibility, as well as diversity, international goodwill and reaching new target audiences. The other cities that submitted bids but didn't make the cut were Baku, Azerbaijan (which I had never heard of and had a terrible score), Prague, Czech Republic (which would have been cool) and Doha, Qatar (which actually had a higher score than Rio but wanted to have the games in October). Every city was assigned a score on technical merits and Tokyo had the highest one at 8.3, but I'm not really going to get into that because at this point that doesn't really matter. Every single city that remains has a legitimate chance to win and it seriously is way too close to call right now.

My own concerns for the game are from a fan and traveler's perspective. What city will have provide the greatest settings from inspirational sports moments? Who has the most passionate fans? What country or region deserves this the most? What place deserves the recognition that an Olympic spotlight would provide? What area of the world do more people need to experience? I think this has already given you guys a good idea of where I'm leaning. I am also realistic. I understand that the IOC needs to balance the Olympics' role as the most important sporting event as well as a gigantic conventional of international cooperation. This dichotomy need not be mutually exclusive as successful past Olympics have shown, but it is very difficult. The fact that only about 20 world cities have ever hosted the games, and that some real strong ones, such as my beloved Boston, could never host one, should say something about how difficult the task is. But without further ado, here is how I would vote if I was an IOC member, in reverse order. One of the main factors I am using will be called the Proximity Factor - how recently have the Olympics or another major international sporting event been in or near this city?


4. Madrid, Spain
I am really a terrible person to judge on this because I've just never been enamored by Spanish culture. A lot of my friends love Spain and their wine, siestas, bull running, tapas and partying until 5 in the morning. I just never found a connection with the country. I didn't visit when I was in Europe for a semester, and I've only been to Barcelona and Bilbao briefly. However, I've heard that Madrid is a fantastic city, a ton of fun, and Spain has been on top of the sports world for quite a bit in recent memory, winning the 2008 UEFA Euro cup coupled with Rafael Nadal's success. Clearly you cannot question the Spaniards' love of sports. Their crowds are crazy, nationalism will certainly be overflowing, and I can just see panoramic shots of city squares being flooded with people during events.

The Proximity Factor is not in Madrid's favor. Barcelona hosted the 1992 Games, and although that is 24 years from 2016, its not really that long in the Olympic timeframe, especially considering how relatively small Spain is. Now Barcelonans will tell you that those Games promoted Catalan culture, not Spanish and it is very true that the regional differences in Spain are strong and recognized. Nonetheless, it might be hard to convince the general global audience of that though - it's like me saying that Hong Kong should host the 2020 Games so soon after Beijing, because they're very different places. Perhaps most significantly, London is hosting the 2012 Games, so selecting Madrid would mean back to back European Games, which in this day and age, is not the IOC's goal. That reason alone makes me think that Madrid is the only city that really does not have a chance to host.

3. Tokyo, Japan
The only candidate city that has previously hosted (1964), Tokyo is the world's largest city and perhaps has the most ready infrastructure to support the mega-event. I've read that the greater metropolitan area exceeds 35 million people, which is about 2 Beijings, and that just boggles my mind. In addition, it is by all accounts an incredible city definitely worth visiting and has arguably exerted more influence on the world media than any other Asian culture. I don't know a ton about Japanese sports fans other than their baseball culture, which is stunningly different from American baseball culture. Once again, I'm not a good judge of this city, but I can ask these questions: would a true sports fan with no knowledge of Japanese fly out to Tokyo for the Olympics? The answer is undoubtedly yes. Tokyo is a much more Western-friendly city than Beijing, is fully capable of accommodating lots of foreigners. However, Tokyo loses on TV grounds. Its time zone is difficult for the ever important US markets and the European markets to work with, just like Beijing was. Unlike Beijing, we don't have the charm associated with a country hosting the Games for the first time.

The Proximity Factor also doesn't bode well for Tokyo. Yes Beijing in 2008 was another large Asian metropolis, and though every Japanese and Chinese will yell at people comparing the two countries, you can definitely argue that the Games need not be in Asia right away again. More relevantly, Japan also hosted the 1998 Winter Olympics in Nagano. In the Olympic timeframe, yeah, Japan could definitely wait quite a bit longer. Also working against the Japanese? Nobody likes them. I'M KIDDING! But I've actually read that Tokyo does actually seem to be out of the running. I know I could have written that at the very top and not needed to say anything else, but I love typing.

2. Chicago, United States
So this is my home country, and I'm obviously very excited about the possibility to host them again. It would certainly make attending the Games a lot easier, seeing as I could drive there. However, being in my home country and having caught the traveler's bug, Chicago is actually the candidate city I would least like to visit. That's taking nothing away from the city - it's really awesome, just about everyone I know from there is really cool and they make great pizza - but its just that its by far the least interesting one to an American. Foreign cities are just cooler by nature. Now to an international panel, Chicago may very well seem very cool, which is one reason why it's got a very good chance of winning. As a sports fan, it would be SO COOL to see a sport like Field Hockey being played at Wrigley field. Imagine Dutch girls running into the Ivy wall. Soldiers Field and wherever the Bulls play would also be good venues, but I'm only commenting specifically on these venues because I'm American I don't know anything about the venues in the other cities. Furthermore, Chicago is lovely in the summertime.

The Proximity Factor isn't terrific for Chicago either. Atlanta hosted the 1996 Games, only 3 Olympics ago, and Salt Lake City had the 2002 Games. The 2012 Games are in London, another English-speaking country, and when you're representing the entire world, that matters. Linguistic diversity is just as important as geographic diversity in my book. These factors are somewhat mitigated by the fact that the United States are such a dominant country and its television market brings in I believe a majority of the IOC's revenue. American culture is so widespread, and three of the spokesmen for this bid, Oprah Winfrey, Michael Jordan and Barack Obama, are among the most famous people in the world, period.

That brings me to another factor - the Barack Obama factor. Obama-mania is a global obsession and you cannot underestimate his impact on the Games. The rest of the world, especially liberal Europe, believe Obama will still be in office in 2016 (I'd bet on that too), and as he's so well-liked, the IOC would love for him to have a huge presence in those Games. How many people would tune in to see Obama make a speech at the Opening Ceremonies? Holy cows. With a global background spanning from Indonesia to Kenya and a solid jumpshot, Barack Obama himself represents much of the Olympic spirit.

1. Rio de Janeiro
I've never been to South America, and I would love to go. My main argument for this bid is the picture on the right. How sick does that look? I just did a simple Google image search of all the host cities and picked the coolest picture I could find, and as it so happens, I believe that the pictures are also ranked in order of how much I like them. So not only have I never been to South America, but the Olympics have never been there either! The Olympics have also not been to Africa, the Middle East and India, some very large regions of the world, and I think that needs to change. It starts here, with Rio de Janeiro, unquestionably an awesome place to visit. However, just like with Beijing, the first time the Games had gone to China, there is a reason there has never been an Olympics in Brazil. First, because it's in the southern hemisphere, the Games will take place in September and technically be in winter. Second, Rio has a reputation for danger, and security is definitely a huge concern for the IOC. They definitely don't want a terrorist attack, which the the Brazilian government might be ill-equipped to prevent, but mostly they don't want petty crime and gang violence, which is apparently widespread. A lot can change in the 7 years until the Games start, but the IOC would have to feel confident that there won't be horror stories of sports fans attending the Games and getting their kidneys shanked. Third, its unclear how cosmopolitan Rio will be by 2016, but from what I hear, it isn't necessarily the easiest place to get around as a non-Portuguese speaker. However, anyone who knows a thing about Brazilian soccer would be excited to see that event in the Olympics, and can understand how rabid their fans can be. Brazil has a huge population and though they only won 15 medals in the 2008 Games, including 3 gold, they have the same potential as China to erupt as the host and bring home lots of golds. I'm guessing they could win as many as 15 gold medals if they hosted in 2016, from soccer to volleyball to track & field to judo.

The Proximity Factor would seem to work very well for Brazil, given the Games complete absence in South America, but the 2014 World Cup happens to be in Brazil! While this should have nothing to do with the IOC, it definitely does in the minds of any international sports fan. Its a lot of big time exposure to one country in a very short span of time, relatively speaking. So really for the Proximity Factor, the IOC didn't do too good a job of picking cities - every single one has a huge flaw here. It'll be interesting to see how this World Cup factors in, but it is a big concern.


Overall I definitely like Rio de Janeiro the most. I think the Games needs to spread out more and that they have a lot of power in increasing global attention and affection to different regions of the world. The Olympics aren't about the economic impact - usually they actually end up costing the host cities and countries money - but rather about the building up international respect and understanding for the host nation. This was certainly what I took from my experience in Beijing, and something I'm sure the Brazilian committee is feeling. Brazil probably feels that they are underrepresented at the world stage and that an Olympics could go a long way towards changing that.

I think that Chicago though will win the bid. The Obama factor, his simple presence in Copenhagen, will sway some voters. I don't think it'd be bad at all if Chicago wins. While the world may not need more American influence, I think we could put on a fantastic Olympics and improve our international reputation. Anyways, I'm very excited for the vote tomorrow and can't wait to see how it all plays out.