The HBO fantasy-drama series “Game of Thrones” based on books by George R. R. Martin is an epic winding tale centering primarily over the political dominion of a large powerful landmass. With numerous colorful characters that often get unexpectedly offed, coalescing alliances, twisting side plots, deadly game changing weapons, straight up evil people and foreign interventions, the American political system has also captivated audiences worldwide. Ever since the campaigns for the 2016 Presidential Election began, real life has done its best to stray into the territories of fiction.
With Game of Thrones coming back April 14 after so long, and the Mueller Report due to come out after so long, now is a good time for a refresher course on both worlds. The following post will compare the numerous players of Westeros and America. I make no pretenses at staying unbiased or at containing spoilers. Please do not read further if you are not caught up on Game of Thrones — or American political news.
Joffrey — Donald J. Trump
These characters have so few redeemable qualities that even author George R. R. Martin acknowledges the comparison. Impulsive, cruel, cowardly and blond, Donald Trump is an adult Joffrey. As the leaders of their respective kingdoms, they've both done an array of outrageous acts that are difficult to tell apart. Which one talked about making homosexuality punishable by death? Which one mocked a disabled person? Which one started a city riot after overreacting to getting hit by a piece of poop? Which one encouraged his allies to "DO SOMETHING"?
Cersei / Jamie Lannister— Ivanka Trump / Jared Kushner
Despite the more obvious incestual Donald - Ivanka relationship, our parallel here will focus on the more functional but still loathable couple Ivanka and Jared. Javanka may look respectable in public, but you know in private they are doing terrible, terrible things. It remains to be seen whether their close relationship fractures over coming seasons.
Ned Stark — Hillary Clinton
Ned is the experienced leader overwhelmingly supported by the North who makes a huge political miscalculation and whose unexpected loss sets off uncontrolled calamity.
Robb Stark — Bill Clinton
If Ned is Hillary, you'd think Catelyn should probably be Bill, but Robb was the one whose downfall was heeding the call of his boner.
Lancel Lannister — Eric Trump
Lancel is probably one of the most worthless characters of the series, beginning as a bumbling loyalist to his aunt Cersei whom Tyrion easily blackmails, and ending as a High Sparrow follower crawling to his death.
Lancel Lannister — Eric Trump
Lancel is probably one of the most worthless characters of the series, beginning as a bumbling loyalist to his aunt Cersei whom Tyrion easily blackmails, and ending as a High Sparrow follower crawling to his death.
Daenerys Targaryen — Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez
Daenerys is the young female leader whom everyone underestimates until they realize she is straight up fire.
Euron Greyjoy — Vladimir Putin
Euron Greyjoy — Vladimir Putin
When the Lannisters are in trouble, they call up the repressive dictator from overseas.
Barriston Selmy — James Comey
Barriston Selmy — James Comey
Selmy was the head of the Kingsguard who opposed Ned Stark when he tried to remove Joffrey from the throne. He showed he had too much honor to work for the Lannisters though and was fired, and became a hero to the opposition.
Oberyn Martell — Anthony Scaramucchi
These hotblooded men entered our world in a flash and dazzled us with their way with words. Then just as we had gotten to know them, they died in spectacular fashion completely due to their own foolish accord.
Janos Slynt — Reince Priebus
The former leader of the City Guard who thought he was a big deal with friends in important places, but was not protected by other Lannisters when Tyrion sent him to the wall, where he eventually was beheaded by Jon Snow.
Maester Pycelle — Roger Ailes
The old man on the small council was supposed to be independent but was really loyal to the Lannisters, and caught with gross sexual habits.
The High Sparrow — Mike Pence
Religion.
Tywin Lannister - Fred Trump
Tywin is the real progenitor of the Lannister family, the one who built up their wealth and reputation.
Varys - Chuck Schumer
Varys is the guy behind the scenes with a funny voice and pulls strings but never really puts himself in harms way.
Tywin Lannister - Fred Trump
Tywin is the real progenitor of the Lannister family, the one who built up their wealth and reputation.
Varys - Chuck Schumer
Varys is the guy behind the scenes with a funny voice and pulls strings but never really puts himself in harms way.
Littlefinger — Steve Bannon
I began this post in July before Season 7 had finished and while Bannon was still Chief Strategist in the White House. I kept going back and forth between Qyburn and Littlefinger for Bannon, and wisely decided to wait a little bit before posting this. Then Littlefinger was killed and Bannon was fired - all within the same week, and the parallels between the manipulative evil people behind the major political developments became clear.
Qyburn — Mitch McConnell
Qyburn is the true, evil mastermind behind the most destructive of the Lannisters’ policies. He's quiet but does not seem to possess a conscious.
Arya Stark - Robert Mueller
The incredibly deadly Arya has an ever dwindling number of criminals on her kill list, including members of the crown.
Arya Stark - Robert Mueller
The incredibly deadly Arya has an ever dwindling number of criminals on her kill list, including members of the crown.
Waldorf Frey — Paul Manafort
The people put away after years of shady and treacherous activity.
Roose Bolton — Michael Flynn
Roose Bolton — Michael Flynn
The more badass and very much evil guy who carries out the major acts of treason.
Loras was a candidate that appeared principled and badass, but after defeat and torture, ends up kissing ass and dying in disgrace.
Jon Snow — Barack Obama
Jon Snow is the hero that we need but not the one we deserve, who has taken arrows to the back, daggers to the heart, and somehow is not dead
Loras Tyrell — Paul RyanLoras was a candidate that appeared principled and badass, but after defeat and torture, ends up kissing ass and dying in disgrace.
Melisandre — Kellyanne Conway
If there’s anyone who could justify the sacrifice of a little girl, it would be Kellyanne Conway.
Sansa Stark — Melania Trump
Sansa is quite a likable character, but the comparison here between her and Melania is their propensity to be stuck in unhappy marriages. To be determined if Melania will be able to break free.
Ramsay Bolton — Ted Cruz
I don’t think I need to explain this one.
Bronn — Joe Biden
The blue collar hero who came out of nowhere to somehow be second in command to Jaime, despite often saying very inappropriate things.
Hodor — Chris Christie
Up til now all these comparisons have been based on personality traits and positions, not physical appearances. Up til now.
Robert Baratheon — George W. Bush
The bumbling but charming old King who really wasn’t all that interested in ruling, was pretty terrible at it with the debt spiraling out of control, but now that he’s gone all the ensuing chaos has made his reign look better.
Stannis Baratheon — Jeb Bush
The brother of the old King who thought he would inherit the throne but progressively loses more and more influence and power until he suffers an ignominious death
Renley Baratheon — Neil Bush
Turns out there are actually 6 siblings in that Bush family.
Randall Tarley — General Kelly
The bad ass general brought in to restore order, but ultimately killed off after accomplishing nothing of significance.
Khal Drogo - Rex Tillerson
Khal Drogo was an intriguing and powerful character, but left our world quite early without really doing very much.
Khal Drogo - Rex Tillerson
Khal Drogo was an intriguing and powerful character, but left our world quite early without really doing very much.
Olenna Tyrell - Nancy Pelosi
Meryn Trant - Roy Moore
We already hated Meryn Trant from his execution of Ned Stark and his brutal treatment of Sansa Stark. Then we saw him in a brothel in Braavos and we learn about his perverse inclinations towards little girls. Fortunately he was stabbed and killed shortly after.
Brienne of Tarth - Elizabeth Warren
I kinda like this one.
Davos Seaworth - Bernie Sanders
Somehow these old people are still kicking.
Viserys Targaryen — Lindsey Graham
For some reason they look pretty similar and were both eliminated pretty quickly after having accomplished nothing
Theon Greyjoy — Mitt Romney
Once a seemingly powerful man with ability to connect with multiple sides, he was quickly defeated through several gaffes and reduced to a pitiful man.
Dontos Hollard — Sean Spicer
This is that dude who was supposed to joust in a tournament for Joffrey but showed up drunk. He was going to be beheaded but Sansa suggested he be made a court fool, which might have been his true calling. He was then killed by Littlefinger after helping Sansa escape. Sean Spicer was the court fool of the early Trump administration, whose greatest hits include "the largest audience to witness an inauguration, period" and "Hitler didn't even use chemical weapons," hiding in the bushes and dressing up as an Easter Bunny in the Bush administration. Spicer is one of the few ex-Trump administration officials who actually resigned of his own accord.
Bran Stark — Al Gore
Used to have a big inheritance, now crippled after an unfortunate incident many years ago. Currently spends his time prophesizing about impending doom but many people refuse to heed his words
The Hound - Arnold Schwarzenegger
The Hound is this imposing, unbeatable figure on the side of the Lannister Crown, but ends up leaving the King he despises and though his true loyalties are murky, he is now on the opposing side.
Tyrion Lannister - Stephen Colbert
We have to go out and find the comedian who roasted George W. Bush back in the day to really capture the cleverness that is Tyrion Lannister.
Edmure Tully - Tim Kaine
Edmure Tully is the one who married one of Frey's daughters after Robb Stark broke his promise. At that point he was high up in the Stark command, as a dutiful co-commander, but their whole group is massacred in the Red Wedding. Tully is locked away and not heard from again for a long time.
The Iron Bank - Republican Donors
This means the conquest of Highgarden is the Game of Thrones equivalent to passing the Tax Plan.
Ellaria Sand - Omarosa
Why are these characters even in this show? How did they manage to outlast so many other characters? Why was it so compelling when they were offed?
Jorah Mormont - Michael Cohen
Jorah was expelled from Westeros for trading slaves, and while in exile, tried spying to gain back favor. Ultimately has a change of heart and proves useful to Daenerys.
Lysa Arryn - Sarah Huckabee Sanders
Lysa is Catelyn's sister who leads the Vail, breastfeeds her son, and says ridiculous lies.
Gendry - Beto O'Rourke
Gendry has spent most of his life as a regular smith away from public scrutiny, but now has a legitimate claim to the Iron Throne.
The White Walkers - Global Warming
Because while everyone is squabbling about politics, there's actually a gigantic force that will kill us all.
The Slave Revolt in Meereen in Essos - Brexit
While most of our attention has been concentrated in the palace intrigue in Westeros, over in Essos, shit has gone down. There have been slave revolts, the masters staging a counter revolt in masks, the economy is in chaos and dragons burning everything down. Really the whole social order has been upended all over Essos, and no one knows what's coming next.
The Hound - Arnold Schwarzenegger
The Hound is this imposing, unbeatable figure on the side of the Lannister Crown, but ends up leaving the King he despises and though his true loyalties are murky, he is now on the opposing side.
Tyrion Lannister - Stephen Colbert
We have to go out and find the comedian who roasted George W. Bush back in the day to really capture the cleverness that is Tyrion Lannister.
Edmure Tully - Tim Kaine
Edmure Tully is the one who married one of Frey's daughters after Robb Stark broke his promise. At that point he was high up in the Stark command, as a dutiful co-commander, but their whole group is massacred in the Red Wedding. Tully is locked away and not heard from again for a long time.
The Iron Bank - Republican Donors
This means the conquest of Highgarden is the Game of Thrones equivalent to passing the Tax Plan.
Ellaria Sand - Omarosa
Why are these characters even in this show? How did they manage to outlast so many other characters? Why was it so compelling when they were offed?
Jorah Mormont - Michael Cohen
Jorah was expelled from Westeros for trading slaves, and while in exile, tried spying to gain back favor. Ultimately has a change of heart and proves useful to Daenerys.
Lysa Arryn - Sarah Huckabee Sanders
Lysa is Catelyn's sister who leads the Vail, breastfeeds her son, and says ridiculous lies.
Gendry - Beto O'Rourke
Gendry has spent most of his life as a regular smith away from public scrutiny, but now has a legitimate claim to the Iron Throne.
The White Walkers - Global Warming
Because while everyone is squabbling about politics, there's actually a gigantic force that will kill us all.
The Slave Revolt in Meereen in Essos - Brexit
While most of our attention has been concentrated in the palace intrigue in Westeros, over in Essos, shit has gone down. There have been slave revolts, the masters staging a counter revolt in masks, the economy is in chaos and dragons burning everything down. Really the whole social order has been upended all over Essos, and no one knows what's coming next.
